Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here, Wipe Your Feet Too

So. Do you self-identify or manifest as “angry radfem” on the internets? If male, are you a “Mens Rights Activist?”  Or are you just your run-of-the-mill Bitter who basically hates life because of ___(insert cohort here)___?  There’s a reason I’ve not been to your blogs lately:  They depress me. The mind of The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker has been . . . fragile . . . these days months years, and moi does not like to feel depressed, ’specially in the middle of the winter.

Wait: You mean you haven’t started a blog yet!  Why? Is it because you figure the blogosphere already has too many maudlin gender partisans dragging down the discourse? No! It’s because you just haven’t decided on a kickass blog title yet!  I understand. Natalia and Belledame can help you solve your dilemma.

For the Womyn:

In her “Awesome Names for Radfem Blogs” series (parts One and Two), Natalia offers up two long lists of possible radfem blog titles, and reminds me why my forays into the feminist blogosphere are so rare these days:   The constant aggrieved drama.

Don’t get me wrong: Most radfems I know are smart, funny all-around good sports.  My all-time favorite writer is a hardcore radfem.  But what the fuck is UP with the general feminist blogosphere overall? It seems a sizable number of supposedly “radfem? (?) bloggers can’t get along with anyone, least of all each other, and they drag down the discourse to the point where it isn’t even worth sticking around for the brilliant and/or funny commentary.

It’s a shame because women-centered blogular discourse could be so much better than what we’re stuck with today.  Much of what passes for “feminist debate” is  just whining, bitching and bickering: “She said – but then she said – I just – but – How DARE you!!!”  WAH WAH WAH get a life, you dreary, vampiric bitches; I quit the pom pom squad – hell, I quit high school - over that meanspirited, backbiting shit.  Suffice it to say that the denizens of what passes for the (rad?)fem blogosphere are not good ambassadors for the Feminist Cause, unless the REAL one is hiding someplace, in which case please enlighten.

I only recently poked my head in to see who was still hanging in there.  Dang it, I was missing out on some good writing.  Maybe,  after the S&M wars and the Lipstick Wars and the Blowjob Wars and the Sex Work Wars it’s safe to go back  in the water . . . wait . . . no . . . GAH!!!! Not safe not safe not safe! Everybody out of the pool!!!!  It’s the PALIN WARS!

Anyway, believe it or not this is just the short list of the proposed radfem blog titles that sent me hopping to the powder room with my legs crossed, giggling:

Aggrieved
Alas, Poor Patriarchy. I Knew Him, the Bastard
All Your Base Urges Are Belong to the Patriarchy
Appalled By Your Vulgar Language
Being a White Lady is Just Like Being a Black Person (No, Really)
Bondage. Patriarchal Bondage.
Clasping An Asp To My Bosom
Clutching My Pearls In a Pale Gothic Deathgrip
Collecting My Discharges
Don’t Worry About Me, I’ll Just Sit Here In The Dark, Alone
Fetch Me My Smelling Salts
Get Off My Lawn! (A Revolutionary Manifesto)
Gynetopia
If I Had a Dime For Each Catastrophe I Suffer, I’d Be Comfortably Middle-Class
I Whacked My Thumb When Using The Master’s Tools So Now I Don’t Use Them Anymore
Impaled On Phallocentrism
I Wipe My Ass with Your Miniskirt
Make Sure Your Sackcloth Isn’t Too Slutty
MENZ: A Bestiary
Moon Juice Ritual
My Academic Jargon Translates Into “Dumb Slut”
My Orgasms Are Impure When You Dress That Way
My White Lady’s Burden Is Too Heavy For Me To Put In The Overhead
Nails on a Chalkboard
OPPRESSED: A Blog
Parthogenesis
Put on a Sweater, I’m Cold
Shooting The Patriarchy From My Helicopter
SILENCED – a blog
. . . Sputter! Sputter!
Stalking Off in a Dreadful Huff
Survival of the Femin-est
Swimming with Stones in my Pockets
THAT’S NOT FUNNY
The Ever-Shrinking Circle
The Fempire Strikes Back
The Patriarchy Sucks (But I Refuse To)
The Victimmest Victim that was Ever Victimmed
There’s Rue For You, And There’s Some For Me
. . . Where Is Everybody?
Why Are You Looking at Me Like That?
Woe, For I Did Bear a Boy-Child, And Now He Hath Teen-Age, and Lo! He Doth Ogleth The Porn.
Yonilypics
Your Bad Thoughts Oppress Me

For the Men Overgrown Boys:

Of course, to focus on the dreary laydeez  is unbalanced.  What about the Nice Guys Who Aren’t Really? What about the Mens Rights Activists? At Belledame’s Fetch Me My Axe, “Awesome Names for MRA Fuckwit Blogs” made me spit coffee through my nose (UPDATE: Part Two!).  I’ve encountered a few real MRA blogs and at first I thought they were parody sites, but OMG they were for real!  Please don’t make me link to any of them, but I remember one of the sites was called “No Ma’am.” So, if your goal in life is to be like those boys and display your utter douchebagginess for the whole interwebs to see, simply claim one of these blog titles and start spewing your virtual emissions  into the ether:

10 Pints Of Lager And I’m Sick On Your Shoes
Abandoned In The Toy Department
*Belch*
Beware the Vagina Dentata
Castrated by your Laughter
Descent of the Undervalued Testicle
Ejaculations
Emasculated with a Blow-Torch and Left to Die in the Kitchenware
Entranced By My Own Emissions
Go Get Me A Beer
Grabbing My Dick And Jumping Up And Down
Grunting Into The Void
Huh Huh Huh Boobies
Hunted by Hairy Man-Haters
I Am A Cliche
I Bought You A Slushee, You Owe Me A Blowjob
I Can’t Hear You Unless You’re Naked
It Is Just As Big As My Truck
Loud Is the New Right
Male-Order Pride
My Hammer Is My Penis, My Rod and My Staff, They Comfort Me
Never Suck a Dick on Purpose: a Guide to Fraternity Life
Never Privileged Enough
No Means Have a NOther Drink
Politically Erect
Proudly Adjusting Myself In Public
Saving Up For A Mail-Order Bride
Scrawling My Name In The Snow Of The Internets
Short, Stark, and Mansome
Sir Lordling The Petulant
Solitary, Poor, Nasty, Brutish and Short
Sucked in by the Controlling Vagina
The Flatulent Philospher
The Stripper Really Likes Me
Tom Twenty-four Pack
Tripping the Light Faptastic
Vagina Dentata Ate My Paycheck
Viagra For My Rage-On
Washed The Dishes, Where’s My Reward?
What Did My Gender Do NOW?
Y’all Don’t Know What It’s Like, Being Male, Middle-class and White
You Just Wait, I Won’t Sleep With You And Then Where Will You Be? Huh???
Your Existence is Somehow a Threat: Why Gays are Scarier than Blacks, But Not as Scary as Radical Feminists
Zen and the Art of Wankery

Both bloggers are still collecting new names, so if you can think of a few of your own . . .  Here’s mine for the men:  PROJECTION.