I’ve been doing maintenance on this blog for the last few days and I’ve noticed something: Most of my posts are very cynical. There is definitely a pre/post PMS split: During my “bad” times of the month I go into conspiratorial political rants, but even during my “good” times of the month I put a negative spin on things. Even my happy/cute/sexy posts contain little barbs at this or that.
I wonder why that is. I never really thought of myself as a negative person, but maybe I am. Then again maybe not: This blog is not a full picture of the real HPS. It’s only half a picture. When I’m happy I’m off being creative and social, hedonistic pleasure seeking being an active avocation and all. I write much more when I’m suffering, and with premenstrual dysphoria I really, really suffer. I also fixate, which means my butt sticks to this chair for hours and sometimes well into the night. At least my writing is good, especially when I’m just a little bit drunk. I think it’s because I just let-er-rip.
It’s probably a good thing that I went back on the meds.
10 responses so far ↓
artfuldodger64 // November 5, 2009 at 3:12 am |
My dear, what you need is to get away … really away … from it all. With a nice gentleman, of course. Now who might that be? Hmmm.
zenarus // November 5, 2009 at 1:09 pm |
Whenever I tried to stop my meds, within
days the “bad shit” came back and I ran, literally
ran back to my meds. I surrendered, and I haven’t been off them since that last time. The shrink
says , “why bother?”..Thats one thing I can say I’ve never done; machine gunned the shopping mall..
the BCth // November 5, 2009 at 9:04 pm |
About the cynicism, I was just thinking the same thing for my own part. But in my case, the living-life-to-the-fullest-in-between-blogs isn’t there, lol, mostly just varying degrees of depression.
The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker // November 6, 2009 at 2:43 am |
Hi everyone.
I think I may be lucky in that my situation allows me about a week and a half each month to look back and say. OH DEAR. Gotta fix that.
When you’re “in it” it’s so hard to tell. It’s like no one is minding the store. You almost have to give someone a free pass to tell you “hey you’re doing it again, and you promised me you wouldn’t be mad if I said it.
Bill // November 6, 2009 at 8:40 pm |
i’ve just been talking to a friend about the russian poet, mayakovsky. his mistress said of him, basically, if he didn’t suffer he wouldn’t scamper off & write good shit. cliched maybe, but it seems to be the case. keep up the good work!
Kheireddine // November 7, 2009 at 5:11 pm |
Sorry to hear that.
moodymommy // November 11, 2009 at 4:05 am |
I was just at the home of a friend celebrating going in to Cancer remission and she had an “inspirational speaker” come to her home. This speaker had some interesting advice about mood. She said that she is “famous” in her family for telling them “It’s not the right time.” This happens when she is in a bad mood. She says that we should not listen to ourselves nor should we engage w/others when we are in a bad mood. I was trying to think of ways to do this with my PMDD b/c the moods are not momentary like they are for most people. The moods last for days. However, I do mark my calendar 10 days before my period is due so that I know when to take certain herbs, but also so I can give myself a “heads up.” During this 10 day period, I try not to engage in any direct confrontations w/people who piss me off. Most of it can wait, no?
The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker // November 12, 2009 at 10:56 am |
Hi Moody Mommy,
Yes, in normal circumstances! Unfortunately I have 10 good days and 20 bad days, LOL . . .
Now Scorpio just says: Are you taking your meds? What can I do to help?
moodymommy // November 12, 2009 at 2:27 pm |
You’re making Scorpio sound “nice” for a change. 20 bad days? That is really a lot for PMDD. Perhaps there is something else there too?
The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker // November 15, 2009 at 2:44 pm |
moodymommy: Possibly. PMS might just kick me down from slightly depressed to psycho.
And Scorpio has always been nice; I guess that was never the issue . . . I think our headspace(s) were always our issue.