The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

Even my margarita is wearing a thong.

I was greeted by a stiffie this morning. Unfortunately it was NOT the kind I like. So, now that I’ve made it through the day, Advil or margarita? Never do both.

HMM. Margarita. Definitely. Still not the stiff one I’m in the mood for, but it will do.

(So long as the flash on my camera is broken my favorite jammies will match my favorite martini)

My summer poison: Key lime Martinis. Here’s how you make them:

1 part vanilla vodka

1 part pineapple juice

1 part Ke Ke Beach Lime Liquor

1/2 part lime juice

Chill, shake, and serve in a frosted martini glass. SLOWLY savor every sip!

I plan to allow myself a little natural tan this summer. I’ve been an anti-sun fanatic for most of my life and because of this I look between 5 and 10 years younger than I really am. However I’m now convinced that NO sun is almost as unhealthy as TOO MUCH sun. Do I want to spend my life looking and feeling like a mushroom? Nope. Sunshine is the best antidepressant around; it provides the body much needed vitamin D, and it’s FREE!

I plan to spend weekends at the beach this summer. So, in addition to the SPF 60 sunscreen I buy each spring I picked up a few real tanning products. The Lime Coolada after sun lotion by Hawaiian Tropic smells exactly like my favorite key lime martini!

(Image found at Frederick Samuel)

We sat at the bar at one of our old Saturday night haunts, an elegant chop house two towns away. We were barely sober enough to drive as we’d just drunk nearly three quarters of a bottle of champagne at his house.

Scorpio: So you’re having the Kobe?* Again?

Me: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM yummy. Kobe burger mmmm burrrrrgerrrrrrr . . .

Scorpio: We’re here and you want a burger. Such a waste of good meat.

Me: Oh no way. I can taste the difference. It’s incredible.

Scorpio: Really.

Me: Oh, yeahhhhhhhhh . . .

He shook his head and began to chat with an older gentleman who approached us from the other side of the bar. Scorpio is a local businessman so everywhere we go he always runs into people he knows, or at least people who know who he is, and this time was no different. He did his social thing, shaking hands and chatting and sometimes wondering who are these people anyway? He watched the men talk to my breasts and thought it was funny. As usual I was completely clueless, distracted by the basketball game on the TV behind the bar.

Later he smiled at me while I murmured sweet nothings to my burger and swooned over my Concord grape flavored martini.

Scorpio: You’re going to blog this, aren’t you?

Me: Of course.

Scorpio: And the rest? Later?

Me: That’s up to you (wink).

We were home before 9:00, which made me chuckle because we typically stagger home at around midnight, if not later, after hitting a bar or a club. Were we getting old? Oh, weren’t we all. Then again, Scorpio had a beautiful home on the lake, a scrumptious king sized bed, and the best champagne in the world. Perhaps we came home early because we had our priorities straight.

We never did finish the champagne.

*Kobe beef comes from an ancient stock of cattle called “kuroge Wagyu” (black haired Japanese cattle). Today they are raised on only 262 small farms, most of which pasture fewer than five cows, and the largest of which run only 10 to 15 animals.

Each animal is pampered like a spoiled child. Their diets are strictly controlled and during the final fattening process, cattle are fed hefty quantities of sake and beer mash. Each animal gets a daily massage. The theory is that mellow, relaxed cows make good beef.

(If you would like to see a larger print version go see Mr. Cagle’s website, it’s awesome! He’s showing a retrospective of a friend’s comic series called Banana Republic. Blog illustration GOLD, I tell you!)

Thomas Friedman expressed the view that if the Republicans had remained in control of the House and the Senate, the US would have become a banana republic. But a banana republic isn’t characterized only by a rotten political system, ruled by a small, wealthy, and corrupt clique usually put in power or supported by foreign interests (in the 20th century, in the case of several Central and Latin American countries, by the US), but also by huge wealth and income inequities, poor infrastructure, backwardness in many sectors of the economy, low capital spending, a reliance on foreign capital, money printing and budget deficits, and of course a weakening currency.

A banana republic is also characterized by a ruling class that curtails people’s personal freedoms and is moving towards a heavy handed military dictatorship under the excuse of fighting guerrilla (or terrorist) opposition groups or enemies. Moreover, the fact that the ruling class or the elite comes from different political parties isn’t a relevant factor in classifying a country as a banana republic; what is relevant is the determination of the elite, irrespective of which party its members belong to, to shift wealth from the majority of the people (the masses) to themselves, usually through simply printing money and incurring chronic budget deficits, and frequently also through senseless warfare. (read the rest here)

Sound familiar? Isn’t the comic great? Except of course we need to understand that it’s not just the Republicans ruining our lives: The Democrats are just as bad. Besides, neocons aren’t “real” Republicans anyway. Also, most Banana Republics are socialist, communist or fascist dictatorships, the extreme left wing, where the Neocons started out and still belong. It seems fitting that when we all drive off the prosperity cliff we’ll have a socialist Democrat for a president.

Everything is apparently coming together for our fascist wannabes despite the small-but-vocal freedom-loving opposition. But did our corporate overlords think about the weather? Will global warming make it easier to grow sugar cane and bananas on North American Union soil? Will the labor concentration camps have air conditioning? Will they let the rest of us have chickens in the yard? So many questions.

Another thing you need to know: These days the US Dollar has all the caché of a third world currency, so things I’m writing here are not necessarily hyperbolic. It’s not going to get better, as our economic meltdown is deliberate, so if you haven’t offloaded your dollars do so now! Life is really miserable without food and toilet paper, so buy lots of it. For what it’s worth, if you’re buying bulk Amazon won’t charge shipping! Then buy more to barter with your clueless neighbors. Stock the liquor and medicine cabinets. Think ahead about what you’ll do if your medication is unavailable or unaffordable. If you’re rich, divest yourself from your U.S. entanglements, buy Japanese Yen and Chinese Yuan, pay off your house and buy a hybrid car. And gold, and silver. You can thank me later.

The Moment of Truth is probably going to hit each of us at different times, but no matter when you wake up the moment will require a martini. I was thinking a Grapes of Wrath martini but no: It’s still Chocolate Month! I’m making a Banana Republic martini! You and your friends can drink them while playing your Banana Republic board game!

(Go to Pico Shots to for a comparison of the major brands of banana liqueurs. DeKupyer “won” overall, but the schnapps had the best smell.)

1 shot each of:

chocolate vodka
banana vodka (for the taste)
banana schnapps (for the smell)
banana liqueur (for the color and taste)
Godiva Chocolate Cream liqueur

(click to play!)

I’m a bad girl for forgetting my HNT post but here it is! I think I’m in the middle of 230 essays right now. It’s just free therapy to me, but you’ll be seeing some of it soon because I found cool pictures for some of the better ones.
But my martini matches my slip! It’s Meyer Lemon season! Have you ever tried one? They are a lemon-tangerine hybrid, so they are a little more mellow than regular lemons. The peels are thin and you can eat them!

This is a traditional lemon drop martini. There are several different variations but I think this one is the best:

Meyer Lemon Drop Martini

• 1 1/2 ounces vodka
• 1/2 ounce triple sec
• 1 teaspoon superfine sugar
• 3/4 ounce freshly squeezed lemon juice

Optional Garnish:

• Superfine sugar for dipping
• Twisted peel of lemon

You know the drill: Mix ingredients in a shaker with ice, etc. etc. Happy HNT!

When it comes to the state of the economy there is nowhere to go but DOWN. What to do? Let’s see: Hoard food, medicine, toilet paper and and booze, and pay off the credit cards before they jack up the rates? All good things to be sure; however, there is one thing you MUST remember to do before it’s too late, especially if you’re a woman:

Chocolate. Make sure you have all the chocolate you need to last for several months.

Chocolate bars get stale, so don’t get too much. I’d say several bars of baking chocolate (10-20) and if you don’t eat them before they turn stale you can sell them for a million dollars to the clueless and unprepared people in your neighborhood.

Buy several cans of chocolate sauce; it lasts a long time. Barring Divine Intervention the Godiva Chocolate Liqueur will be about a hundred dollars a bottle next year, so it behooves one to learn how to make a chocolatini on the cheap. Here’s what to do:

Buy a few gallons of cheap vodka, the kind in the plastic bottles on the bottom shelf at your local liquor store. Then buy the biggest bottle of Creme de Cacao you can afford and a few cans of chocolate syrup. Powdered cocoa is optional:

Chocolatini on the Cheap

2 parts plain vodka
1 part creme de cacao
1 part chocolate syrup
cocoa powder

Rim your martini glass with chocolate syrup and dip the rim into powdered cocoa if you’re in the mood to be fancy; otherwise skip it. Mix the liquid ingredients in a shaker with ice and strain into the martini glass. It’s the most chocolatey martini I’ve tasted so far. Enjoy!

(This is Aria Giovanni. From the looks of the internet she likes to be nekkid a lot.)

Snow Queen Martini

1 Part Vodka
1 Part Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur
1 Part Peppermint Schnapps
1 Tbsp of shaved white or dark chocolate
1 Cherry (garnishes always optional)

Optional: Use shaved white garnish to rim the glass if you feel like it. Use chocolate sauce to make it stick!

Shake the vodka, Godiva, and Peppermint Schnapps together with ice. Pour into the glass, straining the ice, and garnish with the remainder of the shaved chocolate and the cherry.

“The Legend of the Snow Queen” High heel shoe art made from wire, plaster, feathers and crushed glass by Jenni Dutton. Visit her site here. Found at the World Famous High Heel Museum!

I surprised myself on this one: It’s good!

Do you like the taste of chocolate and tropical fruits? Have I got a vodka martini for you! The smell is divine: Complex, with wafts of real chocolate and vanilla weaving through exotic fruit juice.

Chocolate and tropical fruits are among my favorite flavor combinations; they evoke a sense of leisure and decadence, and strike that perfect balance between health food and dessert. The best of both worlds!

You will need:

Tropicocoa

2 oz Three Olives Chocolate Vodka (the best!)
1 oz X-Rated Fusion (passion fruit, mango)
1 oz Vincent Van Gogh Pineapple Vodka
1 oz White Creme de Cacao, any brand

Instruction: Simple, the usual: Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake at least fifteen seconds! And look: I just combined Half Nekkid Thursday, a Month of Chocolate and Matching Martini Madness in one post!

I don’t believe how that night kicked my ASS. I only had that ONE drink before my posse picked me up at about 7:30pm, and it was enough to make me loopy. While in AC I didn’t have any alcohol at all! Just some pickle juice for my stomach at the Foundation Room (they went to another hotel to get it!), 3 tiny buffalo wings, and a cola at the Gypsy Bar. But by the time we got home at about 2:30am I was sick sick sick, and by that I mean head-in-toilet sick. Why? My belchy stomach couldn’t take it, and it took me all of today to recover. Crazy.

Favorite shoes

red patent stilettos, Stuart Weitzman

Favorite restaurant

local grille, new hot spot

Favorite martini

Stoli Pineapple

Favorite dinner

buffalo shrimp and chicken salad, shared

Favorite chair

loveseat

Favorite after-dinner drink

Grand Marnier

Favorite bed

king, not mine

Favorite play date

guess!

Guess what starts tomorrow!

February is Chocolate Month at the Lair of the Hedonistic Pleasureseeker. If you want to play confectioner or bartender with me you will need to assemble your ingredients! All chocolate martinis will be vodka based. Candy recipes will be dark chocolate. I’ll be experimenting with mint liquors this year:

Peppermint schnapps, creme de menthe, or other mint flavor liquors
Godiva chocolate liquor(s): This year they have a new chocolate caramel!
Three Olives brand chocolate vodka
Banana vodka and/or liquor
Lemon vodka and/or liquor
Vanilla vodka
Extace, Cointreau or Grand Marnier (orange flavors, use triple sec if you’re on a budget)
Berry flavored vodkas and liquors
Dark baking chocolate, powdered baking chocolate
Powdered sugar, reg. sugar, flour, general baking ingredients and pans
Cream
Chocolate syrup (also caramel or berry syrups if you want to go crazy)
Marachino cherries
Frozen berries
Oreo cookies
Whipped cream
Caramel flavored liquor
Kahlua or Starbucks coffee liquor (Starbucks isn’t as syrupy)
Creme de cacao (light and dark)

Are you psyched? I am! Vive le chocolat!

“Cheesecake.”

“Mmmmmm?” I couldn’t move.

“Cheeeeeeeeesecaaaaaaaaaake . . .”

I sat straight up in bed. “Omigod cheesecake I forgot! Come on!” Scorpio loaned me his (new, gorgeous) white bathrobe and we waddled to his kitchen for dessert.

Cheesecake and creme brulee are my favorite desserts, and I’ll usually break my “no dairy” vow if presented with one of them. We shared a big slice. Savored it, more like. Scorpio stepped back from the counter and looked around the kitchen.”Wow, this is it. This. Is. It! I get it now.”

I raised an eyebrow and gave him a doggy head tilt.

“This is what it’s all about. Good food, good wine, a good show, great sex, and this!” He raised a forkful.

I smiled and rested my elbows on the kitchen counter. “La Dolce Vita.”

“La dolce vita. Yessssss . . .La dolce vita. Food, wine, entertainment . . .” Scorpio gestured to the television set.

“And mindblowing sex.”

“And my chin between a nice pair of titties.”

I shook my head and laughed. “OoooooooooKAY . . .”

Life is good.

The first time I tried Ultimat Black Cherry Vodka I described a feeling of being “punched in the face” with the taste. It’s the most intensely black cherry flavored booze I’ve ever tried. Since I had some leftover black cherry juice from the morning’s oatmeal breakfast this chapter of Matching Martini Madness was a nobrainer. Two ingredients, no measuring.

I call this “Black Cherry Amnesia” because last night I realized I knew too much about this world to be happy. As in, what? I forget. I’m sure I can go back in time to read my blog if I really want to remember whatever it was I decided to forget. Whatever.

Happy HNT everyone!