(So long as the flash on my camera is broken my favorite jammies will match my favorite martini)
My summer poison: Key lime Martinis. Here’s how you make them:
1 part vanilla vodka
1 part pineapple juice
1 part Ke Ke Beach Lime Liquor
1/2 part lime juice
Chill, shake, and serve in a frosted martini glass. SLOWLY savor every sip!
I plan to allow myself a little natural tan this summer. I’ve been an anti-sun fanatic for most of my life and because of this I look between 5 and 10 years younger than I really am. However I’m now convinced that NO sun is almost as unhealthy as TOO MUCH sun. Do I want to spend my life looking and feeling like a mushroom? Nope. Sunshine is the best antidepressant around; it provides the body much needed vitamin D, and it’s FREE!
I plan to spend weekends at the beach this summer. So, in addition to the SPF 60 sunscreen I buy each spring I picked up a few real tanning products. The Lime Coolada after sun lotion by Hawaiian Tropic smells exactly like my favorite key lime martini!
(My dry bar and wine cabinet, where I play mixologist)
I’m a bad girl for forgetting my HNT post but here it is! I think I’m in the middle of 230 essays right now. It’s just free therapy to me, but you’ll be seeing some of it soon because I found cool pictures for some of the better ones. But my martini matches my slip! It’s Meyer Lemon season! Have you ever tried one? They are a lemon-tangerine hybrid, so they are a little more mellow than regular lemons. The peels are thin and you can eat them!
This is a traditional lemon drop martini. There are several different variations but I think this one is the best:
Do you like the taste of chocolate and tropical fruits? Have I got a vodka martini for you! The smell is divine: Complex, with wafts of real chocolate and vanilla weaving through exotic fruit juice.
Chocolate and tropical fruits are among my favorite flavor combinations; they evoke a sense of leisure and decadence, and strike that perfect balance between health food and dessert. The best of both worlds!
You will need:
Tropicocoa
2 oz Three Olives Chocolate Vodka (the best!)
1 oz X-Rated Fusion (passion fruit, mango)
1 oz Vincent Van Gogh Pineapple Vodka
1 oz White Creme de Cacao, any brand
Instruction: Simple, the usual: Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake at least fifteen seconds! And look: I just combined Half Nekkid Thursday, a Month of Chocolate and Matching Martini Madness in one post!
February is Chocolate Month at the Lair of the Hedonistic Pleasureseeker. If you want to play confectioner or bartender with me you will need to assemble your ingredients! All chocolate martinis will be vodka based. Candy recipes will be dark chocolate. I’ll be experimenting with mint liquors this year:
Peppermint schnapps, creme de menthe, or other mint flavor liquors
Godiva chocolate liquor(s): This year they have a new chocolate caramel!
Three Olives brand chocolate vodka
Banana vodka and/or liquor
Lemon vodka and/or liquor
Vanilla vodka
Extace, Cointreau or Grand Marnier (orange flavors, use triple sec if you’re on a budget)
Berry flavored vodkas and liquors
Dark baking chocolate, powdered baking chocolate
Powdered sugar, reg. sugar, flour, general baking ingredients and pans
Cream
Chocolate syrup (also caramel or berry syrups if you want to go crazy)
Marachino cherries
Frozen berries
Oreo cookies
Whipped cream
Caramel flavored liquor
Kahlua or Starbucks coffee liquor (Starbucks isn’t as syrupy)
Creme de cacao (light and dark)
I sat straight up in bed. “Omigod cheesecake I forgot! Come on!” Scorpio loaned me his (new, gorgeous) white bathrobe and we waddled to his kitchen for dessert.
Cheesecake and creme brulee are my favorite desserts, and I’ll usually break my “no dairy” vow if presented with one of them. We shared a big slice. Savored it, more like. Scorpio stepped back from the counter and looked around the kitchen.”Wow, this is it. This. Is. It! I get it now.”
I raised an eyebrow and gave him a doggy head tilt.
“This is what it’s all about. Good food, good wine, a good show, great sex, and this!” He raised a forkful.
I smiled and rested my elbows on the kitchen counter. “La Dolce Vita.”
“La dolce vita. Yessssss . . .La dolce vita. Food, wine, entertainment . . .” Scorpio gestured to the television set.
“And mindblowing sex.”
“And my chin between a nice pair of titties.”
I shook my head and laughed. “OoooooooooKAY . . .”
The first time I tried Ultimat Black Cherry Vodka I described a feeling of being “punched in the face” with the taste. It’s the most intensely black cherry flavored booze I’ve ever tried. Since I had some leftover black cherry juice from the morning’s oatmeal breakfast this chapter of Matching Martini Madness was a nobrainer. Two ingredients, no measuring.
I call this “Black Cherry Amnesia” because last night I realized I knew too much about this world to be happy. As in, what? I forget. I’m sure I can go back in time to read my blog if I really want to remember whatever it was I decided to forget. Whatever.
I had a close call while driving home from work. I was making my usual left turn on the highway and almost got hit by the oncoming traffic, such as would have totalled my new-ish Honda or maybe even killed me.
It was 100% my fault: It was dark and my depth perception was off, plus I dangerously misjudged the faster-than-usual traffic speed. Unfortunately braking was out of the question so I floored it. I’m not really much of a screamer, but screaming really LOUD and at a high pitch enhanced my kamikaze resolve to pull out all the stops or die trying.
Pumpkin Martini
2 oz pumpkin liqueur (seasonal)
1/2 oz butterscotch schnapps
1/2 oz Kahlua
1/2 oz half and half
This is a 1950’s era full slip with a generous amount of lace. I have a “matching issue” because my slip looks pink and my martini looks like orange juice! I swear that in real life this combo matches nicely.
I’ve been engaged three times but married only once. I suppose two out of three ain’t bad! My last engagement ended with a miscarriage, massive hair loss, major surgery and six months of antidepressants, so I suppose you could say it was a stressful and unhappy time of my life. It should have been my first clue that Joe and I were going down the wrong path. From the time Joe popped the question to the day we broke up he completely lost interest in sex. I think we made love twice during our six month engagement. It was not like us at all, but the sexual chill was easy to rationalize since I had morning sickness and we lived hundreds of miles away from each other. Still, I knew the sick feeling in my stomach wasn’t just the baby.
Ah, Joe Cool, my second Italian Stallion (Bunny’s father Ward was my first). The sexual chemistry between us was INSANE. We couldn’t not hook up. Once we even made love twelve times in one 24-hour period! He was more “cute” than handsome; imagine a cross between Dean Martin and Bruce Springstein and make him kinda short and a bit overweight. But those Dean Martin eyes! Not that he could sing or anything; he was tone deaf. He collected Snoopy memorabilia and was addicted to milk chocolate, and he loved chocolate chip cookies. Add that to his addiction to Mike’s Hard Lemonade and one can understand why he had a weight problem!
We were the best lovers. We even filmed ourselves en flagrante, with a government video camera at that. I still don’t believe Joe used that camera. But we made a pact: If we ever broke up we would destroy the tape, and nobody would ever watch it but us. It was interesting to watch how Joe and I changed over time in front of the camera; during our first video I was bashful and awkward, but within a year I was makin’ love like a porn star!
The Sex Tape
Joe Cool had one fatal flaw: When it came to love and marriage he was remarkably consistent. Once Joe “won” a woman via engagement or marriage he didn’t want her any more. I think this upset and confused him because he was so idealistic otherwise. His “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would have me” complex didn’t stop him from trying to make his marriages work . . . Again and again and again. His relationships tended to . . . uh . . . overlap each other. He was “separated” (not!) when we met. He’s a Libra, so it figures.
His first two wives were dental hygienists. That always seemed weird to me. I was to be Wife #3, but I extracted myself from that entanglement and eventually met Scorpio. Joe started dating yet another dental hygienist, and given his history I wouldn’t be surprised if he had already been seeing this woman for awhile by the time we broke up.
Not a year later he came to my base on a business trip, took me out to dinner (sushi), and asked me to marry him.
Me: (Confused) Does the woman you are dating right now know you’re here?
Joe: Yes.
Me: Does she know you’re with me tonight?
Joe: No.
Me: Would she be upset to know that you just asked me to marry you?
Joe: Yes, definitely.
Me: I think you should go home to your girlfriend.
I think they were married six months later. I was enormously relieved to have dodged that bullet because I would have been very unhappy had I’d said yes to him. In fact, if I were a betting woman I’d put money down that he started an affair with another woman within a year or two of the wedding! Heck, they could be divorced by now for all I know.
One thing I know for sure: I am so much happier today than I would have been had I married him. My miscarriage turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I would have been miserable as his wife. God, I hated being a wife when I was one! Besides, Joe had a love/hate relationship with my intellect, his Italian temper frightened me, he wanted me to get rid of my cats, and our tastes were incompatible: When it came to household items we couldn’t agree on anything. The only thing we had in common was sexual chemistry, and we both knew that it would have run its course eventually.
Tonight I found our sex tape behind some books on my bedroom book case. Suffice it to say I always keep my promises.
(This is one of the last things I ever want to see flying toward my house)
I should be catching up on my sleep but I just . . . can’t. I hate being right sometimes. Kinda like now. I’m finally home from work and child-free, puttering around in a caramel-colored full slip and bare feet. I suppose I’ll stay up and watch the Daily Show, as I’m not the slightest bit tired. I suppose I can take some small comfort in knowing that a plot to start a nuclear holocaust was recently foiled by three brave and principled Air Force officers who obviously need to remain anonymous. They have risked their lives because what happened on August 29-30 could be called mutiny.
SPECIAL REPORT — “Lost” B-52 nuke cruise missiles were on way to Middle East for attack on Iran; Air Force refused to fly weapons to Middle East theater.
WMR has learned from U.S. and foreign intelligence sources that the B-52 transporting six stealth AGM-129 Advanced Cruise Missiles, each armed with a W-80-1 nuclear warhead, on August 30, were destined for the Middle East via Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana.
However, elements of the Air Force, supported by U.S. intelligence agency personnel, successfully revealed the ultimate destination of the nuclear weapons and the mission was aborted due to internal opposition within the Air Force and U.S. Intelligence Community.
If you are late to this horror movie you can watch these two shorts to catch up:
(Proposes different explanations for the “accidental” transport of the warheads)
(Debunks most of the theories and excuses provided by the media cover story)
The Reader’s Digest Condensed Version:A US Air Force B-52 bomber flew from Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana with six AGM advanced cruise missiles, each of which was armed with an activated W-80-1 nuclear warhead. The missiles were mounted on the pylons under its wings, something done ONLY when there is intent to use them; otherwise they are transported inside large cargo planes.
The B-52H Stratofortress, called “BUFF” [Big Ugly Fat Fellow] by the airmen, is the primary nuclear bomber in the Air Force. It provides the only Air Launch Cruise Missile carriage in the USAF. Each of the W-80-1 warheads loaded on this “BUFF” may carry a yield of up to 150 kilotons, about ten times as powerful as the US nuclear bomb “Fat Man” that destroyed Hiroshima during Second World War. Just imagine a nuclear attack 10 times the amount of nuclear force and fallout at Hiroshima, and then multiply it again by six. Or five. It’s still unclear whether five or six warheads were loaded or if one has gone missing. That alone should have the media swarming. No? Is that the sound of crickets I hear?
This incident involves more than a ground crew simply selecting the wrong version of the missile. AGM-129s with nuclear warheads have special red markings on them to differentiate them from conventional warheads. They are also locked up in a different building than the conventional ones, and it takes a near act of God to get one out. The chain of custody of nuclear weapons is elaborate and controlled; in fact all nukes are tracked by computer. Airmen/airwomen (?) are not supposed to load them unless directed to do so by the President of the United States, who needs to present the order in writing down the chain of command. Who has the authority and/or to bypass this strict protocol? We may never know.
(B52 experimenting with synthetic fuel at Minot AFB)
All mainstream news coverage has been reassuring: It was a chain of errors, they never left our custody, no one was ever in danger, we’re launching an investigation, blah blah blah. Interestingly however, every ex-airman knows that Barksdale AFB is a staging base for Middle East operations, and they’re not afraid to say so. Ex-military folks with experience handling nuclear ordnance are also calling bullshit on the “mistake” cover story. THIS other inside story, titled Command Override, was posted a few days later and it read like a movie script. If it’s true, the plot more than thickens. It literally seizes up:
WHO DUNNIT?
In the silence left by this momentous departure, if there were questions, nobody voiced them. Perhaps there were a few quietly delivered high-fives instead. Despite the high stress that runs counter to every human instinct, everyone involved had carried out their assigned duties with complete attention to the details required to launch a half-dozen live nuclear weapons “safely”. The professionally conducted operation was carried off in complete secrecy, without a hitch, only after the loadout and launch order had been digitally confirmed as coming from the NCA.
There was only one problem regarding the originators of those orders, Hank emailed me:
“IT WAS NOT US.”
Trojan horses. Spy chips. Command override. A subsequent Madsen Report linking the incident to an attack scheduled on September 6, something to get us into a war with Syria and Iraq. Apparently their plans were foiled by the AF leak, and Israel invaded Syria’s airspace and eventually dropped a bomb on the country on its own. Syria knew well enough not to retaliate, so we were all spared. Everything Israel and the US secretly do these days to start their wars seems to be foiled by leaks and dissenters, but they still haven’t changed their approaches to problem solving.I’ve said this a few times already: These NWO elites are not original thinkers, and they do not learn from their mistakes.
I think it is time for a drink, don’t you? I know! How about a B52 Martini? No, I’m serious, this is a weird coincidence: I bought some Dooley’s toffee-flavored liqueur and there is a recipe for a B52 on the box! It’s meant for a cold shot glass, but I can make a few changes to make it martini-ish, especially since it’s too sweet for me as-is:
The HPS B52 Martini
1 shot plain vodka
1 shot Dooley’s
(or other caramel flavored liqueur)
1 shot Kahlua
(or Starbucks coffee liqueur if you like things less sweet)
1 shot Grand Marnier
(or triple sec)
As with all martinis, use a lot of ice in the shaker and chill your glass because this needs to be cold-cold-cold to be appreciated. I might even pour this over some ice cream! I’ve also used banana vodka in lieu of the plain and mmmmmmmm it’s good. High calorie and addictive. You’ve been warned!
(later)
So, after a snort of toffee and an hour of Comedy Channel I’m in much better spirits. I suppose we should all be HAPPY that there are still patriots in this country, and that they’re AWAKE enough to catch on to the evil that is the Bush/Cheney cabal. People are doing end runs around the Oval Office to prevent war, while high level military and intelligence personal have begun to disobey illegal and/or immoral orders. Smart folks: Passive resistance is probably the BEST thing we can do to foil their plans and stay out of the brig. It’s ten times more efficient and effective than marching around Washington with placards anyway, because most of the time Bush and Cheney never see the protesters, and the elite don’t give a flip about what we think anyway. But remember: They need us more than we need them. What if every one of us said, in effect,”We quit?”Actually, the fine people of Vermont are thinking of doing just that: Seceding. HMMM. Rotsa Ruck.
Advice of the day: Next time you wander into a liquor store, thinking you might pick something up for X event but you don’t know quite what, and that man or woman who runs the store comes up to you and says, “May I help you?” SAY YES!!! If anyone knows what’s good and what’s not, it’s the purveyor at your local independent liquor store. I’ve discovered the best wines and bourbon this way.
I have just been turned on to the Grand Marnier of Pears: Belle de Brillet. Brillet spirits come from a 65 acre family owned vineyard in France. It’s is Brillet cognac infused with the essence of Williams pears. Twenty pears are used for each 750 ml bottle, so of course it really does smell and taste like the real thing Yum. I’m keeping this one!
Can I make a martini out of this? Are you kidding?
I have begun to collect Three Olives flavored vodkas because the flavors are strong and authentic. Awhile ago I featured a grape martini made with grape juice and vanillla vodka. It was pretty OK, but I had NO IDEA how good Three Olives’ Grape Vodka would taste. Now I’m stocking up on bottles of grape vodka because if it ever disappears from the market I am going to cry.
It tastes like Dimetapp! Remember Dimetapp? I used to love it. I never understood why the green grapes my mother bought never tasted like the grape flavors in other foods. Then one day I ate a Concord grape. Oh my god they’re so good I froze some for winter!
I very much enjoy licking this X-Rated Fusion Liqueur off the inside of my martini glass. I couldn’t find it locally so I had a bottle shipped from Tewksbury Fine Wines and Spirits. X-Rated Fusion is a mix of vodka, orange, mango and passion fruit. It’s tart, which I like, so I’ll probably have several bottles shipped to me this holiday season. It could also make a nice gift for a special someone . . . The X-Rated (plain) vodka is hand crafted in copper stills from wheat and roseberry grain and is distilled seven times. I may just have to try it.
I’m usually on Mom Duty on Friday nights, so this evening was full of cooking and puttering and chatting and bitching since both Bunny and I have PMS and didn’t want to go anywhere. Bunny had chocolate for dinner, and then we had chips, chili dip and root beer. Now that she’s off to bed I can go hardcore and play mixologist for awhile.
My usual swill is equal parts Fusion and plain vodka, but tonight I took the X-Rated quiz and discovered that (of course) I’m Pampered Pink! I’m a vision of frills and frippery and bubbles and sure enough, everything about my persona and living space are reflections of my hardcore spoiled-but-sweet hedonism. If I were a Muppet I’d be Miss Piggy! Here is the signature drink the company has chosen for the likes of moi:
1 part X-RATED® Fusion Liqueur®
1 part coconut rum
Splash of pineapple juice
Splash of cherry juice
Add tonic and shake over ice
Pour into sugar-rimmed martini glass
Sprinkle with coconut flakes
Garnish with 2 cherries
Believe it or not I have all the ingredients and The Coco Quette very good, but it doesn’t taste like a martini. It’s more like one of those tropical drinks you order when you’re on vacation in Jamaica. I’d drink it again . . . actually, what I’d really like is to go to Jamaica again. Ahhh, someday, someday . . .
Add ingredients to shaker filled with ice, shake and pour.
Arrange cherries in the glass with stems up. Pour the cherry juice into the bottom of a 5 or 6 oz martini glass. In a shaker with ice mix the remaining ingredients and pour over the cherries.
Drink it fast. Make another, then start in on the bills:
Which ones are due now? Whoops, first things first: Which ones are overdue? Life insurance, great, better not die.
I guess I should pay my biopsy bill. OK.
The rest can wait until payday, whew. But look at those receipts! Over $1000 in groceries? On the VISA? Time to count it up for the spreadsheet. OK maybe later.
Now. How to pay for a new air conditioner? Jack up the VISA balance even further? No? Hmm. I guess there will be no new air conditioner for awhile.
Bunny needs hair supplies and she needs them NOW. Time to - you guessed it - go shopping again and stock up for the coming hyperinflation! There will be no need to shop like that again for a year.
So it goes: Another day in the sordid life of the Hedonistic Pleasureseeker. Even divas need to take time out from blogging to move the mail every now and then. Happy HNT everyone!
Tonights cocktail I’ve not yet named. It’s made with Blavod Black Vodka and a splash of lemon vodka,with a lemon garnish. I found a site with black martini recipes at Pubcrawlin, but nothing like mine, so here it is: The HPS Black Martini! At least until I can think of a better name.
The HPS Black Martini
2 shots Blavod Black Vodka
1 shot lemon vodka
lemon slice or twist
Pour into a shaker with ice, shake for about 10 seconds and then pour into a small 3 oz glass. Enjoy!
1 part vanilla vodka
1 part pineapple juice
1 part Ke Ke Beach Lime Liquor
1/2 part lime juice
I’m a bad girl for forgetting my HNT post but here it is! I think I’m in the middle of 230 essays right now. It’s just free therapy to me, but you’ll be seeing some of it soon because I found cool pictures for some of the better ones.
But my martini matches my slip! It’s Meyer Lemon season! Have you ever tried one? They are a lemon-tangerine hybrid, so they are a little more mellow than regular lemons. The peels are thin and you can eat them!
I surprised myself on this one: It’s good!
“Cheesecake.”
“And mindblowing sex.”
The first time I tried Ultimat Black Cherry Vodka I described a feeling of being “punched in the face” with the taste. It’s the most intensely black cherry flavored booze I’ve ever tried. Since I had some leftover black cherry juice from the morning’s oatmeal breakfast this chapter of Matching Martini Madness was a nobrainer. Two ingredients, no measuring.
It was 100% my fault: It was dark and my depth perception was off, plus I dangerously misjudged the faster-than-usual traffic speed. Unfortunately braking was out of the question so I floored it. I’m not really much of a screamer, but screaming really LOUD and at a high pitch enhanced my kamikaze resolve to pull out all the stops or die trying.
Me: (Confused) Does the woman you are dating right now know you’re here?
I should be catching up on my sleep but I just . . . can’t. I hate being right sometimes. Kinda like now. I’m finally home from work and child-free, puttering around in a caramel-colored full slip and bare feet. I suppose I’ll stay up and watch the Daily Show, as I’m not the slightest bit tired. I suppose I can take some small comfort in knowing that a plot to start a nuclear holocaust was recently foiled by three brave and principled Air Force officers who obviously need to remain anonymous. They have risked their lives because what happened on August 29-30 could be called mutiny.
What a pear
I have begun to collect 
The X-Rated (plain) vodka is hand crafted in copper stills from wheat and roseberry grain and is distilled seven times. I may just have to try it.
My usual swill is equal parts Fusion and plain vodka, but tonight I took the X-Rated quiz and discovered that (of course) I’m Pampered Pink! I’m a vision of frills and frippery and bubbles and sure enough, everything about my persona and living space are reflections of my hardcore spoiled-but-sweet hedonism. If I were a Muppet I’d be Miss Piggy! Here is the signature drink the company has chosen for the likes of moi:
In the Red
Drink it fast. Make another, then start in on the bills:
Tonights cocktail I’ve not yet named. It’s made with 
