The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

I went to Wegmans today and bought all their loss leaders and nothing else, including 20 bottles of lemonade and Italian mineral water averaging about 99 cents apiece, four pounds of strawberries ($8), and fifteen pounds of ground beef ($1.89/lb) which I promptly froze. I used one pound of strawberries in my home-made ice cream, then sliced and froze the rest.

Last week I bought five cases of soda for just $11. If I keep this up they’re not going to let me shop there anymore.

I have a new website! I might as well do something creative with my frustration, yes? From now on I’ll just put my bitchings about censorship and political muzzling over there, and focus on hedonistic pleasureseeking over here

http://muzzledathuffingtonpost.wordpress.com

There is something about this predatory dress that screams TOO MUCH COUGAR TRYING TOO HARD!!! Back to the boutique it goes . . . good thing I didn’t take off the tags . . .

Lesson for the Day: NEVER shop for clothes if you are sexually aroused AND have bad PMS. What was I thinking?

Business and finance, business and finance. Eight chapters and a paper here, three chapters and a test there. I HAVE NO LIFE. I may need to ban myself from blogging until I feel as though I’ve caught up with myself or at least feel as though I have a handle on things.

In the mean time, you might have looked at this before, but this version has a couple of additions that I have not seen. Found via Mr. Free Market.

Economics explained

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISE: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for fivecows. The milk rights of the six cows is transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘cowkimon’ and market it worldwide

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so theylive for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported otherwise

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out ofyou and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

Can you tell my old camera is dying? I might be kittyprinted out. Let’s see: Kittyprint nightgown, robe slippers and blanket, with matching cat. Yup, my kittyprint collection is probably complete.

It was a perfect day today: No work, blue sky, poofy clouds, warm breeze. It was a shorts and sandals day and I made the most of it: By sleeping until noon (11 hours sleep total) and shopping the rest of the day.

That’s right: I totally blew an opportunity to 1) do my homework and 2) play in my garden, all for the sake of personal errands and a 50% off sale at DSW. Shame on me!

I’ll do better tomorrow I promise: I’m very, very VERY well rested!

I will be the first to admit that I’m the kind of cheap ass spendthrift that men just don’t understand, and who can blame them?    Bargain hunting with a credit card is a dumb way to “save” money, because after the interest is paid on the VISA bill all savings are wiped out. And then some.

Last year I found this lone kitty print bath towel in a housewares clearance bin at a Marshall’s or TJ Maxx, I forget which.  Today I found the matching hand towels and four washcloths and I swear:  Snatching them up was like some sort of drug-high for me.  Sure, I could have chosen a pattern and paid retail for a matched set, but where’s the challenge in that?

Ward took Bunny out of town for the weekend so I’m child free!

I was up late last night 1) painting my toenails bright red and 2) organizing my Apocalypse Pantry, otherwise known as the closet in the master bedroom: My little walk-in closet that’s still stuffed to the gills with my clothes. What will I do with it all? I have no idea; buy a rack, I give up. Practically none of it fits anyway because of the boobage, so I need to just bite the bullet and admit that another Goodwill run is in order.

It’s frustrating: Rather than get me back into my wardrobe, last year’s liposculpt on my back and waist changed my shape so dramatically that my clothes don’t fit me anyway. My waist-to-hip ratio is good (about .75) but that’s because for the first time in my life I actually have real hips. That I was able to give birth to Bunny in 1992 without a C-section was a miracle - thank Goddess she was a preemie! I had 34 inch hips back then.

So, basically this means none of my tailored business suits fit me anymore. I’d go shopping for new clothes but 1) I’m on fashion strike; 2) I refuse to buy any more clothes made with sweatshop labor, which means 3) I can’t afford what I like and want, and 4) I spent all my money on these cases of canned food anyway. I have a few knits and my (adjustable, yay) wrap dresses, so they will have to do for now. I suppose I’ll wear my green dress today!

I think I’ve just lost my mind but you know what? It’s okay because the economy is in a tailspin and the worldwide food shortage is real. Not only is the price of food skyrocketing due to inflation and drought, but if the economy collapses and/or gas goes up to $4 or $5 per gallon there will be supply chain problems by summertime. Truckers are already quitting in droves because they can no longer turn a profit. Since I’m partial to organic and gluten-free foods, foods that are already hard to find, I figure I’d better stock up now.

You should also think about this: Do you really want to be fighting with some old lady over the last bruised banana this September? I sure don’t! I’d get my ass kicked! I’ll stay home and bake gluten-free bread instead.

I must have lost my mind. But you know what? I kind of like it.

I was at Bed, Bath and Beyond last month and encountered a few remnants of this pattern in a corner on a bottom shelf, on clearance. I saw the pink mules on the shower curtains and lost my mind: I had to have them. It was time to redecorate the Master Bath!

As things turned out I already had most of the other decorator bits around the house so I moved them all in, and as you can see the result is ultra-girly. Actually it looks kind of like a French bordello. Now my Spa Days will be extra decadent!

I had no idea the little mules on the shower curtain would be decorated with real maribou. Aren’t they cute?

The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker is playing hooky today. She has several important Things to Do, the details of which shall forever remain a secret.

I think I just got picked up? I don’t remember doing anything but staring. Now I’m staring at the telephone. Will I be in the mood to pick it up when it rings?

Those of you who’ve been here awhile know that I’ve been having tummy problems for the last few months. That’s a delicate way of saying I’ve been belching like a cow and hating every minute of it. I’m not talking about those big, competition-grade burps you guys say the alphabet through; rather these are the “wince and touch sternum every few seconds” belches. My stomach has blown up like a balloon and I’m steadily gaining weight.

I tried every antacid on the market to no avail. I saw my primary doctor, who gave me a prescription for an industrial-strength laxative. That little bottle of pills would have left me $130.00 poorer had I actually paid for it instead of walking away from the pharmacy counter in distress, and I have a prescription plan! After deciding I needed a specialist I went to a GI doctor and he recommended an over-the-counter, tasteless powder called Miralax and a bottle of mint-flavored Maalox. He also wrote a prescription for what he’s certain is acid reflux and by the time I made it to the drugstore I was desperate. $90.00 later I had another bottle of little pills and felt better, but not for long. Days passed with my taking something for my gut every few hours.

Then I read something on the internet, something about how we should have a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar every day for proper PH levels and better digestion. I had a flashback to my childhood: PICKLES! When I was a kid I used to drink pickle juice when my tummy gave me problems. I know the though of drinking what looks like a lab sample sounds gross, but acid reflux and constipation are even MORE disgusting than pickle juice, and besides the pickle juice always worked for me. I don’t even know where I came up with the idea.

But pickles are acidic, right? Acid for acid? It didn’t make any sense at all. What of this huge antacid market? The Purple Pill? Tums? Maalox? Milk of Magnesia? I did a little bit of reading on the topic, and it didn’t take me long to discover that antacids are POINTLESS, sometimes even damaging, in addition to being extremely expensive over the long term. God I love the internet!

It only seems counterintuitive at first: Alternative and holistic healer types insist that antacids only backfire, while adding MORE acid to your gut will make your body decide to stop producing it. I just happened to have a jar of Vlasic dills wedged up against the back of the inside of my refrigerator, so I chugged about six ounces while Bunny cried “Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!” The next day I ate/drank: A can of V8 Juice, an orange, a whole jar of dill pickles, Tang powdered beverage, salt-and-vinegar potato chips, 1/4 ounce each balsamic and white wine vinegars. I felt results immediately: The belching STOPPED and four hours later I was making repeated mad dashes to the employee washroom. I shit you not (ha); it’s a miracle cure I swear! Just don’t try it if you plan to be spend a long time on the road afterwards.

If you have tried EVERY antacid and you’re still miserable you probably have too LITTLE acid in your gut, not too much, even if you’re puking stomach acid. This is what’s most likely going on in your stomach:

a. You eat a decent meal, but your stomach and intestines don’t have enough acid necessary to digest it.

b. Your digestion begins to shut down but you keep eating like normal.

c . The food you eat has nowhere to go so it just sits there in your gut and percolates and ferments into something you’d rather not think about.

d. Central Control (your brain) says “Oh shit!” and presses the MAKE MORE ACID button.

e. Your body pumps out more acid to digest the food rotting in your gut.

f. Your body continues to overproduce acid like Mickey Mouse overproduced his broom and bucket of water in Fantasia.

g. You are one miserable bitch who looks about 4 months pregnant.

h. You start with the pointless antacids, with disappointing results.

This is about the time you ought to try the apple cider vinegar or pickle juice. You’ll probably feel better immediately!

Obviously antacids are NOT my answer, and perhaps they’re not yours either. It’s interesting: Cider and pickle juice are more effective on reflux and MUCH cheaper than those fancy purple pills, so why the heck do doctors . . . OK we all know why. Money. Your buying a gallon of vinegar won’t do anything to the pharmaceutical companies’ bottom lines. I do like this MiraLAX laxative though because it’s completely tasteless. You just pour a capful into any beverage and stir until it dissolves. That’s it! It is expensive though; just under $1 a dose. But trust me: When you need it you won’t care.

Let me ’splain ’bout yesterday. I wasn’t really hallucinating; well maybe I was but not in the way you might think. It was just this thing that I do occasionally: Lucid Dream. I’m used to it by now.

If you’re the regular sort you probably experienced your first lucid dream at your first big slumber party. Remember how the plan was to stay awake all night watching movies? Anyone who fell asleep was a baby!

So there you were, watching or whatever and then you hit that place: That inbetween state between waking and sleeping. You saw shapes. You saw people. You saw a story developing but it wasn’t on the TV. You jerked yourself out of it but it happened again and again. The next thing you knew you were listening to one of your friends pouring Fruit Loops into a plastic bowl, the sun was up and you really had to pee.

(Hey! It’s me!)

Welcome to the Realm of the Lucid Dream, or in this case the Wake-initiation of lucid dreams (WILD). Here is an explanation of the WILD phenomenon from Wikipedia:

The wake-initiated lucid dream “occurs when the sleeper enters REM sleep with unbroken self-awareness directly from the waking state“.^[21] There are many techniques aimed at entering a WILD. The key to these techniques is recognizing the hypnagogic stage, which is within the border of being awake and being asleep. If a person is successful in staying aware while this stage occurs, he or she will eventually enter the dream state while being fully aware that it is a dream.

There are key times at which this state is best entered; while success at night after being awake for a long time is very difficult, it is relatively easy after being awake for 15 or so minutes and in the afternoon during a nap. Techniques for inducing WILDs abound. Dreamers may count, envision themselves climbing or descending stairs, chant to themselves, explore elaborate, passive sexual fantasies, control their breathing, counting their breaths to keep their thoughts from drifting, concentrate on relaxing their body from their toes to their head, allow images to flow through their “mind’s eye” and envision themselves jumping into the image, to maintain concentration and keep their mind awake, while still being calm enough to let their body sleep.

During the actual transition into the dream state, one is likely to experience sleep paralysis, including rapid vibrations,^[9] a sequence of loud sounds and a feeling of twirling into another state of body awareness, “to drift off into another dimension”. Also there is frequently a sensation of falling rapidly or dropping through the bed as one enters the dream state. After the transition there may be the sensation of entering a dark black room from which one can induce any dream scenario of one’s choosing, simply by concentrating on it. The key to success is not to panic, especially during the transition, which can be quite sudden.

 

This is the story of my life. Now that I’m used to it the experiences aren’t so bad. For instance last night, as soon as I saw the trees at the side of the road growing and turning into buildings I knew I was in for it: Either I was sleep deprived or I was too relaxed. My money was on sleep deprivation. So I took the back roads home, and had it gotten really bad I would have pulled over to the side of the road.

When does it usually happen? The InBetween: Any place where I am neither here-nor-there can trigger it: Between asleep and awake, spring and autumn, twilight and dawn , mist and fog. On the “awake” end of the spectrum (”dreaming awake”) I see my dreams superimposed over my waking reality, like the car in the double-exposed photograph above. Lucky for me I only rarely see people or I would be dead from a heart attack by now! Usually I just see weird shapes such as the slinky thingy in the photo posted below.

On the “sleep” end of the spectrum (”awakened dream”) I dream like a normal person but I can direct and influence events and feel as though I’m awake. Those “dreams” feel normal because I’m engaged in waking activities such as driving to work or going to school. Sometimes I “false awake” and go through my morning ritual not knowing that I’m still asleep! My bladder eventually tips me off and the surprise of it wakes me for real.

So that was me driving home last night. It was probably sleep deprivation as my body can’t seem to decide how much sleep it needs anymore. It may just be time for pharmaceutical interference, if only for awhile. We shall see.

Cherry Cheesecake. Oh. My. God. I love cheesecake!

Oh Scorpio, sweetums, you shouldn’t have. No seriously you shouldn’t have sent me home with a big box of pastries and a whole cherry cheesecake. It would have lasted a week had I exercised some self-control, but  of course I didn’t.

Do you have any idea what it drove us to do? It’s all we ate all day! It was my breakfast, my after-work snack, my dinner, and my midnight snack. Bunny grazed it all afternoon and now the box is empty.

Since cheesecake is about 350 calories per slice it’s the ONLY thing I’ve eaten in a day and a half! I’ll need to bellydance it off . . .