Bad Kitty Dress has been returned. Instead I bought a more classic version of the kittyprint cocktail dress and it was 1/3 the price of the other one! Good Kitty!

I have to get it tailored, though. I bought a size larger than normal to better cover the boobage but now the bodice and skirt are too loose, making me look wider than I really am on the bottom. It’s a quick fix, but if I send it to the tailor now I won’t get it back for at least 2 weeks! That’s how busy the man is.

There is something about this predatory dress that screams TOO MUCH COUGAR TRYING TOO HARD!!! Back to the boutique it goes . . . good thing I didn’t take off the tags . . .

Lesson for the Day: NEVER shop for clothes if you are sexually aroused AND have bad PMS. What was I thinking?

(Massimo Baldi ponyhair pump, Italy. Maybelline Wet Shine in Juicy Tomato)

I have a few weaknesses when it comes to clothes shopping:

1. The color white: When will I ever learn?

2. Linen: Since when do I iron, come on.

3. Lingerie: Honestly, join a 12 step program already; sweet Jeebuz on a cracker, damn!

4. Ponyhair kittyprint footwear. It’s so fragile, but I fall for the softness and the kittyspots every time.

Oh well: At least I’ve succeeded in giving up pantyhose and Dry Clean Only!

I’ve been assembling do-it-yourself-style modular/stackable shelving in my bedrooms. I chose particleboard with a dark espresso laminate finish for the master bedroom and Tinkertoy-style wire shelving for the spare bedroom. I’ll take pictures when I’m done!

Unfortunately for my sense of aesthetics but fortunately for my checking account I’m in the Reality Zone:

It’s my Friday off and I can do anything I want!!! I think I’ll go window shopping for shoes. Just window shopping. I mean, unless they’re on clearance, or they look like these:

I have several pair of red stilettos; they make me feel frisky and sexy. Slingbacks, classics, casual and spunky, no two pair are alike. There are even days when I’m convinced that all I need in my closet is a collection of black Armani separates, a good 3-season suit, a few thin coordinating sweaters and several pair of red shoes.

I have shiny fire engine red vintage spikes from Italy, like new, that I found at a secondhand store almost ten years ago. They’re wing tips so I can wear them to work! Can you imagine a businesswoman in red stiletto wing tips? I couldn’t until I saw the perfect shoes to put me in the mood for Hump Day and grabbed them for a whopping . . . Four dollars? I think I’ll wear them tomorrow.

I love Beyonce. I love her voice, I love her style. The hair even works. And I want that dress. And those shoes, and the kittyprint coat, and throw in the plane while you’re at it.

But Beyonce dear, obviously your friends are clueless so the Hedonistic Pleasureseeker will pinch hit for them: Sometimes a girl needs to fire her stylist AND her choreographer and hire professionals able and willing to teach her some grace.

Honey, it’s time. Slow down. If it doesn’t look good when you mark it, it doesn’t look good period. Come on Beyonce, you’re a woman and a squillionaire: Ratchet it up! For that last piece on this video you even forgot your costume! What were you thinking? Why didn’t someone SAY something? Worse, your underwear is ripped to shreds. Is it a cry for help? That’s it, I’m calling your mom.

Incredible: D&G managed to take the sexy animal look for Fall 2007 and make it ugly. Expensive ugly. Blows my mind. Please don’t EVER assume that since you saw it in a fashion magazine you actually can pull off the look. High-end couture designers are out of control and no longer dress women. Non non non, ma cherie: They see women as blank canvasses upon which to project the visions from their last LSD trip. It’s all completely self-absorbed, and in the long run overpriced, bullshit.

(A little bit better? Not the poor girl in the middle!)

To wear aggressive animal prints without looking cheap or certifiably insane is both a skill and an art. Some designs just work and simply must be copied, while others look like variations on a Flintstones Halloween costume. How can you know that you’re doing right by your kittyprints? Let me see if the HPS can help. Here is how to tell good kittyprint design from bad. It’s not easy, but you’ll get better with practice.

(Nicky Hilton gets it right)

Kittyprint Rules

1. Kittyprints beg for classic, modest shapes. Think of it this way: You can have a wild and revealing dress in a classic color or print, OR a classic dress with a wild print. NOT BOTH. If you do both despite my warning, let’s say a low cut minidress in a wild leopard pattern, you will look like a Fredericks of Hollywood model. Now if that’s the look you’re trying to rock, well okay then. Otherwise just trust me on this. It’s one or the other. If you’re going to walk on the wild side, make sure it’s on the right side of the proverbial track because you don’t want strangers to inquire as to your hourly rates.

(This is so, so wrong)

2. Realistic and evenly spaced smaller kittyprints are generally pretty classy so long as the cut is also classy. Larger, more random prints are for artsy types or folks with casual plans. Really huge animal patterns in weird shades are for clowns and toys. See how the size and tone of the print announces your plans?

3. Beware of overkill. Stick with one pattern and one piece of clothing. Accessorize with care. Mixing kittyprints is an art form best left for the Cavallis of the world.

4. Plush kittyprints are for kids and silly fun. Don’t wear one and expect to be taken seriously.

5. The only non-neutral color that looks good with kittyprints is RED. Some other time I will elaborate on the color question and address shoes, outerwear and accessories!

I adore kittyprints and have a few of them in my closet and would buy more if I could. However even the Hedonistic Pleasureseeker has her limits. For the most part if it looks cheap and/or inappropriate I’ll take a pass. Some things are just WRONG, and here is one of them.

I don’t care if you look like Pamela Anderson. Weight, haircolor, body mass or attitude, NO ONE CAN CARRY THIS LOOK.

So please, for the love of God/dess:  If you have an outfit such as this please leave it in your closet until your next Halloween party.  The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker thanks you. The world thanks you. Carry on.

(This photo is from last year)

What a beautiful fall day to be out and about! I confess I spent an awful amount of money today but - tada! - I was buying household goods, food and paper supplies for my HALLOWEEN PARTY!!!! That and the Christmas decorations are out already. I was almost able to resist, save for some pretty holiday napkin rings and one present for Bunny.

I didn’t buy any clothes because I’m on a Fashion Diet. Besides, I have yet to find an eco-friendly place to buy my couture . . . I shall console myself with my fur coat, which I ordered to be taken out of storage a week or so ago.

I think Bunny stole my camera. I can’t find it anywhere.

(Cast a spell with your frighteningly good recipes from the FOOD NETWORK!)

My nice Indian tailor called: My dress is ready! It’s a brown sparkly version of the above graphic, a one-of-a-kind garment since this dress, until now, did not exist anywhere but in a commercial artist’s imagination. I already know what shoes I’m going to wear with it:

I suppose this is one way to flip off the garment industry and it’s sweatshop labor: Home-made clothes. There are several stores in the garment district in Philadelphia that sell specialty fabrics woven by artisans overseas. Are these fabrics made with sweatshop labor? Or are they the products of women-run cottage industries? Time to find out! In the mean time, I will get my clothes from EBay and Goodwill for CHEEP-CHEEP.

Except I don’t know what to do about socks, underwear and T-shirts. Any ideas? How about don’t wear them?

You Are Thong Panties

Woman, you are one hell of a ride! You’re a total wild child - and you live for crazy times. Men are attracted to you like flies to honey, even though they know they should stay away. You need a expert cowboy who can keep in tune with your free spirit!

What Kind of Panties Are You?

So I’m thong panties?  I have a huge collection of thongs for “special occasions” and those times I want to avoid the visible panty line (VPL) problem. But I simply MUST know: Why aren’t men concerned about their own panty lines?

Your Lucky Underwear is Green

You’re a total go getter who will scrape and crawl to get to the top. And your lucky green underwear will help you get there without a struggle. A fast learner, you enjoy a good mental challenge - whether it’s getting your law degree or running a successful business.Sometimes you push too hard to succeed, alienating friends and wearing yourself out in the process. If you want to reach your goals while still maintaining a full life, put on your green underpants. They’ll help you slow down and enjoy life.

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

It took me a long time to figure out what to do with this photo. I figured we had a panty/thong theme going on tonight, and here was me in my thong, but egad! I’m an exhibitionist for sure, but even I have my limits: I’m too shy to post the real thing! So I did myself over with some Crayola colors, messed with the gamma and blackpoint, and then did this Warhol-esque thingy. If it’s art it’s not obscene, right? Happy HNT!

(Quizzes found at Brazen Hussy’s What the Hell Is Wrong With You?)

I’ve had this forever, but have never worn it out of the house. I suppose I just need a reason . . .

Aren’t they adorable? They were $13.99, down from $69.94! Retail was $80.00! They’ll be perfect for the Fourth of July! That is, they’ll be perfect for a Fourth of July activity that calls for high heels. Not for watching fireworks in the park.

Can you believe it? Fourteen bucks.

I also scored a pair of Stuart Weitzman beige sandals, super-comfortable with a suede lining and a low heel. Retailed for $220.00, DSW price $139.00. I snatched them off the clearance rack and paid $27.99. Yesssssssss.

I could shop on the cheap for the rest of my life.

Maybe.