The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker

Labels or Love by Fergie

Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of
Shopping for labels, shopping for love
1, 2
Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of
1, 2, 3 Turn the lights on.

I already know what my addiction is
I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love
I shop for purses while love walks out the door
Don’t cry, buy a bag and get over it
And, I’m not concerned with all the politics
It’s a lot of men I know I could find another.

What I know is that I’m always happy when I walk out the store, store
I’m guessing Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

[Chorus]
Love’s like a runway but which one do I love more?
No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior
Love’s like a runway, so what’s all the fussing for?
Let’s stop chasing them boys and shop some more.
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, Turn the lights on.

I know I might come off as negative
I be looking for labels, I ain’t looking for love
Relationships are often so hard to tame
A Prada dress has never broken my heart before
And, ballin’s something that I’m fed up with
I’mma do the damn thing, watch me do the damn thing
Cause I know that my credit card will help me put out the flames
I’m guessing Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

Gucci, Fendi, Prada purses, purchasing them finer things
Men they come a dime a dozen, just give me them diamond rings
I’m into a lot of bling, Cadillac, Chanel and Coach
Fellas boast but they can’t really handle my female approach
Buying things is hard to say
Rocking Christian Audigier, Manolo, Polo, taking photos in my Cartier
So we can’t go all the way, I know you might hate it but
I’m a shop for labels while them ladies lay and wait for love

[Chorus]
Love’s like a runway but which one do I love more?
No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior
Love’s like a runway, so what’s all the fussing for?
Let’s stop chasing them boys and shop some more.
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, Turn the lights on.

Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of
Shopping for labels, shopping for love
1, 2
Manolo and Louis, it’s all I’m thinking of
1, 2, 3 Turn the lights on.

Stewart: Do you watch the news that we’re watching?

Logan: No

Stewart: In the United States? Do you see what we’re hearing about the war? So, we might actually know everything?

Logan: If I were to watch the news that you hear in the United States I’d just blow my brains out because it would drive me nuts.

(WILD APPLAUSE)

This is the interview that earned Lara Logan the relentless mainstream media smearfest taking place right now. “What? She’s not a virgin?” The douchebag media moguls are punishing her for telling the truth of how morally bankrupt we’ve ALL become, thanks to THEM. That’s right: Our shitty, treasonous, useless mainstream media. Logan called them out, and now she’s getting “the business.” Like we care about the sex lives of war correspondents; It was a freaking war zone for chrissakes.

Tonight on the way home from work I was listening to NPR (XM Radio) and they were gassing about how “awful” it was that the world of print media was disappearing. Here the MSM thought they had us all under control! Yet we just bypassed them by going to the internet. WAH. Well boo fucking hoo! The MSM assclowns have no one to blame but themselves. There will be a PARTY AT MY PLACE! if corporatist ass kissing newspapers begin to fall like dominoes and the “news” programs on television fade into irrelevance.

Now, pay attention: The Fourth Estate failed us by failing to hold our government accountable, so why are we giving them our money? When we all “switch to digital” next year, consider just letting your television go blank! Use it to watch DVDs instead, and get your news and entertainment from outlets that deserve your business. I’ll be canceling my cable this weekend, and I’ve already canceled the newspaper I’d only just begun to receive. Die, mainstream media motherfuckers, just DIE already. We won’t miss you.

(Yeah, I have PMS. Two senators got email from me today, but just wait until I get these media people on the phone! Some words just need to be spoken.)

I love Schoolhouse Rock! If it weren’t for the producers of these videos I’d know NOTHING about American history. Seriously, Americans: Did your primary school education do American history justice? Mine neither, but at least I had Schoolhouse Rock. This one is my favorite, “Preamble:”

“Operation Puppy Love”

My last Matching Martini Madness post featured a favorite nightgown I acquired during my Ebay fixation of 2007. It seems to be from the 1960’s or 1970’s, though it’s hard to tell because there is no label.

I love it because the lace is so lavish and deep, and because it’s so soft. This kind of quality is hard to find outside of very high end lingerie shops. However, I bet that when this nightgown was new it was both 1) union made, and 2) reasonably priced. They really don’t make things like they used to, do they?

(Massimo Baldi ponyhair pump, Italy. Maybelline Wet Shine in Juicy Tomato)

I have a few weaknesses when it comes to clothes shopping:

1. The color white: When will I ever learn?

2. Linen: Since when do I iron, come on.

3. Lingerie: Honestly, join a 12 step program already; sweet Jeebuz on a cracker, damn!

4. Ponyhair kittyprint footwear. It’s so fragile, but I fall for the softness and the kittyspots every time.

Oh well: At least I’ve succeeded in giving up pantyhose and Dry Clean Only!

Wait . . . These aren’t cats, they’re . . . doggy babies! The kind people dress up in little sweaters and hats!

All products available at Tia Bellas

We sat at the bar at one of our old Saturday night haunts, an elegant chop house two towns away. We were barely sober enough to drive as we’d just drunk nearly three quarters of a bottle of champagne at his house.

Scorpio: So you’re having the Kobe?* Again?

Me: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM yummy. Kobe burger mmmm burrrrrgerrrrrrr . . .

Scorpio: We’re here and you want a burger. Such a waste of good meat.

Me: Oh no way. I can taste the difference. It’s incredible.

Scorpio: Really.

Me: Oh, yeahhhhhhhhh . . .

He shook his head and began to chat with an older gentleman who approached us from the other side of the bar. Scorpio is a local businessman so everywhere we go he always runs into people he knows, or at least people who know who he is, and this time was no different. He did his social thing, shaking hands and chatting and sometimes wondering who are these people anyway? He watched the men talk to my breasts and thought it was funny. As usual I was completely clueless, distracted by the basketball game on the TV behind the bar.

Later he smiled at me while I murmured sweet nothings to my burger and swooned over my Concord grape flavored martini.

Scorpio: You’re going to blog this, aren’t you?

Me: Of course.

Scorpio: And the rest? Later?

Me: That’s up to you (wink).

We were home before 9:00, which made me chuckle because we typically stagger home at around midnight, if not later, after hitting a bar or a club. Were we getting old? Oh, weren’t we all. Then again, Scorpio had a beautiful home on the lake, a scrumptious king sized bed, and the best champagne in the world. Perhaps we came home early because we had our priorities straight.

We never did finish the champagne.

*Kobe beef comes from an ancient stock of cattle called “kuroge Wagyu” (black haired Japanese cattle). Today they are raised on only 262 small farms, most of which pasture fewer than five cows, and the largest of which run only 10 to 15 animals.

Each animal is pampered like a spoiled child. Their diets are strictly controlled and during the final fattening process, cattle are fed hefty quantities of sake and beer mash. Each animal gets a daily massage. The theory is that mellow, relaxed cows make good beef.

I’m convinced that certain animal prints trigger a reaction in the limbic system, that ancient part of the human nervous system that ruled our cave dwelling ancestors. Perhaps it’s just an adrenaline response creating the sense of danger, but one way or another the witness is put on notice: A predator lurks.

I can’t decide which of the below stilettos I like the best. Scorpio likes the white ones. What do you think? One would think I had enough ponyhair predator shoes but please understand: I don’t have kittyprint d’orsay peep toes! It’s an important distinction!

At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I must have lost my mind. But you know what? I kind of like it.

I was at Bed, Bath and Beyond last month and encountered a few remnants of this pattern in a corner on a bottom shelf, on clearance. I saw the pink mules on the shower curtains and lost my mind: I had to have them. It was time to redecorate the Master Bath!

As things turned out I already had most of the other decorator bits around the house so I moved them all in, and as you can see the result is ultra-girly. Actually it looks kind of like a French bordello. Now my Spa Days will be extra decadent!

I had no idea the little mules on the shower curtain would be decorated with real maribou. Aren’t they cute?

When I got home and looked at my supermarket receipt I noticed I paid $8 for two plain organic chocolate bars. OK, they’re organic, but $8?

But I love chocolate. And I want organic. I’ve become very suspicious of the food grown here and overseas with too many pesticides or hormones or etcetera. Genetically modified foods, or foods with human growth hormone aren’t even labeled as such! MSG is hidden by listing “spices” in the ingredients, wheat gluten is lurking everywhere and it seems everything has corn syrup in it these days.

What’s a girl to do? OK for now this is all you can do: If you discover you have a favorite, or at least a preferred brand/type of chocolate, and hyperinflation is looming and you don’t have the money, what do you do? You buy it by the CASE! NOW before the prices go crazy! Amazon.com has free shipping, though I’m looking for small business sources for my bulk buys. I’ve made a lot of bulk buys. There are a lot of different brands because the organic chocolate business is booming in the United States:

Jay Jacobowitz, president of Retail Insights, a consulting service for natural products retailers, said the trajectory for organic chocolate will likely track that of the organic food market, which is on a double-digit growth spurt.

Organic chocolate is made from cocoa grown without pesticides and herbicides. Producers use certified organic sugar, essential oils, fruits, and nuts in accordance with USDA organic regulations.

In the chocolate market, as in other food areas, education about issues like sustainability and fair trade, as well as product quality, has evolved.

“We have a growing interest in where our food comes from, its pedigree,” Jacobowitz said.

Pedigreed food? (giggle snort) OK maybe he has a point. Once you finally internalize the fact (the FACT, not the opinion) that the food industry and the USDA either 1) don’t have our best interests at heart; or 2) couldn’t do anything about it if they did, the normal response should be to light a fire under your own ass and hop to it: What are you going to put in your body, the only one you’re gonna get this time around? What kinds of habits do you want the next generation to adopt from watching you?Yes, organic is more expensive. YES, a lot of us are po. Not just poor, but downright po. I understand (been there, done that!). But you know what? Americans aren’t starving. In fact we’re the most bloated humans on the planet. Most of us can afford to eat fewer, but higher quality calories, that don’t poison our water and our children’s futures.

Maybe I’m just perverse but I actually get a charge out of fondling that ONE organic potato I’m going to take home. Try it! One per family member. You think about how you want to prepare it, and what you want to put on it. You slowly savor every bite. Sorry if this doesn’t resonate with you but it’s downright erotic to me. The $5 organic mango is a bit much, though. Skip it if it’s out of season!

But back to chocolate. OMG. I bought a case of organic chocolate and saved at least a dollar on every bar! Just enough to get me through a few months of savoring, but not so much that it will get stale. I like variety in my chocolates but you know what? I know how to make my own truffles, so all I need are bars of 70% cocoa and I’m in business. Yum!

(Kittypuppet is sitting on a bottle of Sophia Zinfandel)

See that mess? Along with several other dreary jobs on my “list” tonight I needed to put my Goodwill Pile in order. But Scorpio was cooking! Some other time perhaps.

This dinner may have been his best yet: Steak from the backyard grill Pittsburgh style, with a sweet/tart onion and pepper relish; tomatoes and mozzarella with parsley and a drizzling of balsamic vinegar and guacamole on the side; potato pancakes with sour cream, steamed spinach with garlic . . . it was incredible. I ate with my eyes closed!

It was cold tonight, so cold that my full length mink was (”almost”) necessary to keep the wind off my legs, which were bare, my feet in snake skin stilettos. I try to arrive at Scorpio’s with as little clothing on as possible . . .

. . . Desert was insane. I’m an addict.

Every now and then my VISA Rewards Program offers something insanely gorgeous for an insane number of points that I never have. Rats.

So when are animal prints going to be “out of style?” I’ll poach people’s castoffs from the local Goodwill, because I need my occasional kittyprint fix! Last weekend it was a few padded hangers from Homestore, $2 apiece. Now that’s in my range these days. Dealing in cash only (no VISA!) has been a challenge, but in a perverse kind of way I sorta like it. There’s something very rewarding about finding something luxurious and beautiful for next to no money at all.

Favorite shoes

red patent stilettos, Stuart Weitzman

Favorite restaurant

local grille, new hot spot

Favorite martini

Stoli Pineapple

Favorite dinner

buffalo shrimp and chicken salad, shared

Favorite chair

loveseat

Favorite after-dinner drink

Grand Marnier

Favorite bed

king, not mine

Favorite play date

guess!