(Yup, that’s me and my bags about two years ago!)

It’s so funny, because it’s so true . . .

Remember that when the government comes calling. If they say they want to help and they only offer you $290 billion or some bullcrap number like that, you stand proud and tell the government, “I didn’t work my ass off behaving so irresponsibly as to bring our nation’s economy to the brink of disaster just so you could call me a slut!” The government will apologize and it will let you know how much you mean to it by offering you another $10 billion. “You’re worth it,” the government will say, brushing a tear from your cheek. “You’ve always been worth that much to me.”

PAT MARFISI carries bales of alfalfa hay and straw into the center aisle of his Hollywood Hills vegetable garden and begins tearing off pieces of the stuff. He doesn’t have any animals to feed, just his “no-dig” landscape: raised beds using lasagna-like layers of fodder, bone and blood meal and compost — and remarkably little water.

Now that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has declared a statewide drought, Marfisi’s 300-square-foot patch seems more relevant than ever. It’s his personal horticultural laboratory for a low-water, sustainable technique he learned working on organic farms in Australia last year.

Since he began gardening in this fashion, he says, he has been “inundated” with food. With the exception of some recent losses to raccoons drawn to the soil’s abundant grubs and earthworms, Marfisi’s garden is thriving with beets, collard greens, chard, celery, tomatoes, chives, peppers, basil, chives, lettuces and leeks. He estimates he grows enough food to feed three people daily.

When asked how much he waters, Marfisi shoves his hand deep beside some Swiss chard and pulls out moist, decomposed soil laced with remnants of straw. “I haven’t watered in 10 days,” he says. “This is what I want people to know: You can have beauty and abundance without a lot of water.”

(more . . .)

(Image from the No Dig Vegetable Garden website: This is great fun for kids, too!)

I’ll find a place at which to show these off by summer’s end Jeweled mules by Giuseppe Zannoti, the last pair in the boutique, grabbed for 75% off their scary-prohibitive retail!

I’m excited because I found American flags at Target that were actually made in America. WHOOPIE! So I bought one.

I might have a Fourth of July party, if for no other reason than to inspire myself to 1) finally clean this damn house; 2) show off the fact that I CAN, in fact, grill, and 3) feature my new favorite dessert, which happens to be red, white and blue.

It’s not “just” vanilla pudding with berries: This is an ALL organic venture with real sugar, cream and vanilla and OMG you can taste the difference. This is die-and-go-to-heaven good, and this is how you do it.

Vanilla Pudding

Mix sugar, cornstarch and salt; granually blend in milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, till mixture thickens. Cook 2 or 3 minutes more. Add vanilla and powdered vanilla bean. Pour in SMALL dessert glasses. Remember, this stuff is RICH.

Berry Sauce

This is how you do it: With a margarita in hand! Actually I don’t know what I made; it was a mix of lime, coconut and tequila, all frozen and yummy.

I probably should have registered for only ONE online course instead of the two that I did, because now homework is all I seem to have time to do. It doesn’t help that they’re accelerated courses requiring both tests AND written papers. I’m too tired to do homework after my 12-hour work days so I use vacation time and weekends to catch up when something is due. There goes the first half of my summer down the drain, bah! Fortunately I’ll be done with both classes before the end of July.

It was a perfect day today: No work, blue sky, poofy clouds, warm breeze. It was a shorts and sandals day and I made the most of it: By sleeping until noon (11 hours sleep total) and shopping the rest of the day.

That’s right: I totally blew an opportunity to 1) do my homework and 2) play in my garden, all for the sake of personal errands and a 50% off sale at DSW. Shame on me!

I’ll do better tomorrow I promise: I’m very, very VERY well rested!

We sat at the bar at one of our old Saturday night haunts, an elegant chop house two towns away. We were barely sober enough to drive as we’d just drunk nearly three quarters of a bottle of champagne at his house.

Scorpio: So you’re having the Kobe?* Again?

Me: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM yummy. Kobe burger mmmm burrrrrgerrrrrrr . . .

Scorpio: We’re here and you want a burger. Such a waste of good meat.

Me: Oh no way. I can taste the difference. It’s incredible.

Scorpio: Really.

Me: Oh, yeahhhhhhhhh . . .

He shook his head and began to chat with an older gentleman who approached us from the other side of the bar. Scorpio is a local businessman so everywhere we go he always runs into people he knows, or at least people who know who he is, and this time was no different. He did his social thing, shaking hands and chatting and sometimes wondering who are these people anyway? He watched the men talk to my breasts and thought it was funny. As usual I was completely clueless, distracted by the basketball game on the TV behind the bar.

Later he smiled at me while I murmured sweet nothings to my burger and swooned over my Concord grape flavored martini.

Scorpio: You’re going to blog this, aren’t you?

Me: Of course.

Scorpio: And the rest? Later?

Me: That’s up to you (wink).

We were home before 9:00, which made me chuckle because we typically stagger home at around midnight, if not later, after hitting a bar or a club. Were we getting old? Oh, weren’t we all. Then again, Scorpio had a beautiful home on the lake, a scrumptious king sized bed, and the best champagne in the world. Perhaps we came home early because we had our priorities straight.

We never did finish the champagne.

*Kobe beef comes from an ancient stock of cattle called “kuroge Wagyu” (black haired Japanese cattle). Today they are raised on only 262 small farms, most of which pasture fewer than five cows, and the largest of which run only 10 to 15 animals.

Each animal is pampered like a spoiled child. Their diets are strictly controlled and during the final fattening process, cattle are fed hefty quantities of sake and beer mash. Each animal gets a daily massage. The theory is that mellow, relaxed cows make good beef.

I must have lost my mind. But you know what? I kind of like it.

I was at Bed, Bath and Beyond last month and encountered a few remnants of this pattern in a corner on a bottom shelf, on clearance. I saw the pink mules on the shower curtains and lost my mind: I had to have them. It was time to redecorate the Master Bath!

As things turned out I already had most of the other decorator bits around the house so I moved them all in, and as you can see the result is ultra-girly. Actually it looks kind of like a French bordello. Now my Spa Days will be extra decadent!

I had no idea the little mules on the shower curtain would be decorated with real maribou. Aren’t they cute?

Scorpio: Good morning . . . Down at shore, coming home in a few hours, need to clean and do laundry here. The bar is being demolished next week and need to get all stuff out from behind and under. Are you into the Oscars tonight? If so, want to watch with me? I think it starts at 8:00. Dinner 7:00?

Me: Am I “into” the Oscars? I’m into your cooking. See you at 7:00

GRILLED RARE TUNA STEAK MARINATED IN A GINGER SOY MARINADE.

PORTERHOUSE STEAK BATHED IN GARLIC SPICES MEDIUM RARE/RARE MOUNTED WITH A CLASSIC BERNAISE SAUCE.

FRESH STRING BEANS, BLACK BEANS, RICE, WITH ICEBERG, ROMAIN, A DICE OF CARROT, GREEN ONION, GREEN PEPPER MARINATED IN A BALSAMIC VINAIGARETTE WASABI DRESSING.

FRESH GARLIC CHEESE BREAD

DRESS TO WALK THE RED CARPET. THE PAPARAZZI ARE IN THE HOUSE READY TO SNAP. WE WANT ALL LEGS, SHORT DRESS WITH BLACK STOCKINGS, BLACK HIGH HIGH HEELS AND GARTERS.

The heather blooms in my front yard are covered in snow. What a beautiful day! Bunny’s school called a snow day, and it’s my day off from work. Our decadent breakfast: Fresh squeezed tangerine juice and REAL hot chocolate.

Ingredients:

4 cups whole milk
10 ounces semi-sweet chocolate, finely chopped

Optional ingredients for garnish:

Whipped cream
Chocolate shavings
Ground cinnamon
4 small cinnamon sticks

Instructions:

1. Place the milk in a medium saucepan over high heat. Bring to scalding, and then remove from heat.
2. Optional: Add a cinnamon stick, and allow to infuse for 15 minutes. Carefully remove the cinnamon stick.
3. Bring the milk back up to heat. Add the chocolate, and stir until the chocolate is melted and the milk is frothy.
4. Pour into mugs and garnish with the whipped cream, chocolate shavings, cinnamon and cinnamon stick. Serve immediately.

When I got home and looked at my supermarket receipt I noticed I paid $8 for two plain organic chocolate bars. OK, they’re organic, but $8?

But I love chocolate. And I want organic. I’ve become very suspicious of the food grown here and overseas with too many pesticides or hormones or etcetera. Genetically modified foods, or foods with human growth hormone aren’t even labeled as such! MSG is hidden by listing “spices” in the ingredients, wheat gluten is lurking everywhere and it seems everything has corn syrup in it these days.

What’s a girl to do? OK for now this is all you can do: If you discover you have a favorite, or at least a preferred brand/type of chocolate, and hyperinflation is looming and you don’t have the money, what do you do? You buy it by the CASE! NOW before the prices go crazy! Amazon.com has free shipping, though I’m looking for small business sources for my bulk buys. I’ve made a lot of bulk buys. There are a lot of different brands because the organic chocolate business is booming in the United States:

Jay Jacobowitz, president of Retail Insights, a consulting service for natural products retailers, said the trajectory for organic chocolate will likely track that of the organic food market, which is on a double-digit growth spurt.

Organic chocolate is made from cocoa grown without pesticides and herbicides. Producers use certified organic sugar, essential oils, fruits, and nuts in accordance with USDA organic regulations.

In the chocolate market, as in other food areas, education about issues like sustainability and fair trade, as well as product quality, has evolved.

“We have a growing interest in where our food comes from, its pedigree,” Jacobowitz said.

Pedigreed food? (giggle snort) OK maybe he has a point. Once you finally internalize the fact (the FACT, not the opinion) that the food industry and the USDA either 1) don’t have our best interests at heart; or 2) couldn’t do anything about it if they did, the normal response should be to light a fire under your own ass and hop to it: What are you going to put in your body, the only one you’re gonna get this time around? What kinds of habits do you want the next generation to adopt from watching you?Yes, organic is more expensive. YES, a lot of us are po. Not just poor, but downright po. I understand (been there, done that!). But you know what? Americans aren’t starving. In fact we’re the most bloated humans on the planet. Most of us can afford to eat fewer, but higher quality calories, that don’t poison our water and our children’s futures.

Maybe I’m just perverse but I actually get a charge out of fondling that ONE organic potato I’m going to take home. Try it! One per family member. You think about how you want to prepare it, and what you want to put on it. You slowly savor every bite. Sorry if this doesn’t resonate with you but it’s downright erotic to me. The $5 organic mango is a bit much, though. Skip it if it’s out of season!

But back to chocolate. OMG. I bought a case of organic chocolate and saved at least a dollar on every bar! Just enough to get me through a few months of savoring, but not so much that it will get stale. I like variety in my chocolates but you know what? I know how to make my own truffles, so all I need are bars of 70% cocoa and I’m in business. Yum!